


the shadows of your heart [are hanging in the sweet, sweet air]

by aeriamamaduck



Series: TES AUs [7]
Category: Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion
Genre: Acceptance, Age Difference, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Falling In Love, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Loss, Memory, Mind Meld, POV Alternating, POV Multiple, Self-Acceptance, Soulmates, Telepathic Bond, Trust
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-26
Updated: 2017-01-26
Packaged: 2018-09-20 01:10:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9468749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aeriamamaduck/pseuds/aeriamamaduck
Summary: Soulmates Minerva and Martin find each other in a burning city. Minerva is ready to let him see into her thoughts and past, but Martin fears he will lose her if he lets her see the horrors of his past.





	

It was difficult to be so close and feel the wall coming up between them. It felt like a rejection of them, of _her_ , though Martin always made sure to make her feel wanted and loved as a soulmate should, as incomplete as their bond was. 

The first connecting string of their bond formed when they first met, linked by the selflessness of their individual actions in Kvatch. Linked when she saved his life. Linked when he trusted her claims.

For Minerva there was no describing the joy that bloomed in her heart, only able to picture a morning glory opening to meet the sun’s rays. She had known just how painfully _lonely_ she’d been in the time since her parents had died, left without an anchor and impatient for the day she would meet someone’s eyes and just know. She hadn’t known how she would immediately open her gaze to Martin freely, taking the next logical step towards completing their bond and opening her life to his, and he would do the same. She didn’t think about him being the Emperor, but instead thought of how she would always find him in her mind, no matter how far apart they were.

Martin knew just what he’d felt when the bond took hold: fear, shame, fury. All of it knifing through Minerva’s innocent hope and making its way into her mind before he realized he could block that natural access soulmates had into each other’s minds. It was useful when a pair’s bond would never, for some reason or another, be incomplete. Sometimes soulmates broke that first thread and life would go on save for the loneliness that would often plague such a separated pair.

He immediately hated himself afterward, seeing and feeling just how he’d broken her heart mere instants after meeting him, likely thinking he wanted that thread severed for good. No, not likely. That was exactly what she was thinking. Her thoughts were so open, so blatant that he could not stop himself from hearing them.

_What did I do I’m sorry please don’t hate me do you hate me let me in **let me in I’m begging you.**_

“I don’t want to break the thread,” he said, his voice quiet and broken as he helped her get to her feet from where she knelt at the altar, and he nearly closed his eyes in bliss at the tendrils of her relief coming across the thread, and found himself wanting to hold on to her forever when he took her hands in hers. She was ready to love deeply, she was beautiful, she was a bright light that deepened the shadows of his past, and he couldn’t bear the thought of showing any of it to her.

If he did she would surely break the thread herself.

And so it was for weeks, both of them caught with a trench between them of Martin’s own making. Minerva heard enough from his thoughts that she knew to give him the time he needed, her confusion seeping through to his mind but never more than her kind thoughts, the precious glimpses into her welcoming mind. He would like nothing more than to remain in the serenity of her thoughts, but that would require him opening up completely, something he dared not risk.

The days he thought he was close to losing her, either to the thread snapping apart or to a violent death in their war against the Mythic Dawn, are the days he wanted to tear that wall down and let her see everything, give them both the comfort of someone knowing and accepting the other’s fears, joys, every bit of their pasts. Yet he’s stopped himself every time.

He held her in his arms, thanking the gods for her wellbeing after she brought him Azura’s Star for their endeavor, and she sighed into his neck, pouring every loving thought from her head to his.

_Please let me in this hurts_

“I don’t mean to hurt you,” he said, looking into her eyes as he framed her face with his hands. “The things I’ve done…What will I do if you hate me for them?”

 _I’d die,_ he thought. She would dig into the worst of his past, see it, and pull away from him forever in disgust. Or, worse still, he’d lose Minerva because he wasn’t even strong enough to accept _himself_ , one of the most important parts of cementing their bond.

“I thought you trusted me,” she whispered. “I think you do but then I remember I don’t know for sure, and--” She looked down, tears escaping her eyes before she shut them.

_No, no, don’t weep. Not for me. How can I do this to you?_

Martin decided he could learn to live with her rejection. Before he could talk himself out of it he let the wall dissolve, and it was as if he could breathe again, a tension he hadn’t been aware of leaving his body. Wiping her tears with his thumbs he softly said, “I do trust you. I don’t…want to hide anymore. Not from you.”

Minerva’s eyes were wide with shock and the instinctual opening of her mind. “See me first,” she entreated. “I want to show you everything.”

He closed his eyes and pressed his forehead against hers, envying how easy it was for her to open her thoughts completely. She would have nothing shameful to hide from him.

He dove into her mind, his entry immediate and unrestrained compared to her gentle prodding into his fretful thoughts.

**_Loneliness. Not just since her parents died. Her entire life. Yearning for approval. Wincing under perceived disapproval. Wanting to be like Father, like Mother. Did they hate her? Why weren’t they home yet? They can’t be gone. She tried to look brave. She cried her first night without them in the world, and almost hated herself for it but it felt so good to curl up and cry._ **

**_The sword and shield are everything. She is alive because of them. Because of her father. Bruises littered her body but survival was worth every one. Fire everywhere, searing pain as flames caught her leg. Paralyzing fear as she trembled in the darkness, hiding from daedra. Crying herself to sleep most nights because she’s afraid to die, she’s afraid Martin hates her._ **

**_Everything, every tiny thought from birth to the seconds that are ticking by, all of it beautiful, all of it like seeing her walk through those doors, safe and alive._ **

For Minerva it was different.

**_More. Wanting more. Wanting to run away from this isolated patch of dirt. Wanting different faces, different ideas, excitement rather than safety. More power. More pleasure. More than he was getting in this damned farm._ **

**_Craving everything, seizing it without guilt, writhing in ecstasy against nameless bodies, delving into forbidden knowledge. A chasm of grief when Father dies, no matter how bitterly they fought the closer Martin got to manhood. Power. More power. It’s all his, he deserves it._ **

**_Not like this. Not like this. Why is he alive? Why did they have to die? He didn’t want to lose any of them._ **

**_Terror, shame, guilt, tearing him apart until he feels like an empty shell in Akatosh’s chapel, wanting a purpose, wanting to make restitution, determined to deny himself the joy of his soulmate if ever he saw them._ **

**_He sees her. She’s strong. She’s beautiful. She can’t be for him. She’s too good, she’ll hate him, she’s stronger than he is. He doesn’t want them to break apart. What if she hates him? He can’t show her, he’ll lose her. Gods, keep her safe. That’s all he asks._ **

**_He doesn’t want to hurt her he hates making her cry he can’t keep doing this he has to live with her rejection he has to stop being a coward and let her face it as he faces it himself._ **

They opened their eyes at the same time and Minerva realized the wall was gone and there was no rebuilding it. She looked at Martin, his blue eyes wide with wonder, and she beamed before wrapping her arms around him reassuringly, her love flowing into him in a flood.

Martin’s embrace, unhesitant and complete, was just as tight, his heart racing with the realization that she was in his head and heart, and it felt so _perfect_. How had he even been able to keep her away for so long?

She didn’t hate him.

 _She didn’t hate him_.

“I don’t,” she said against the shell of his ear, the words echoing in his head and wrapping themselves around him. “I love you.”

He made sure his next thought reached into her heart, and he knew it did when her green eyes bloomed with happiness as their bond became complete.

_I love you too._

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments are appreciated!  
> My tumblr: **aeriamamaduck**


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